University of Memphis fraternities ‘not causing enough outrage’ says Dean.

A UofM fraternity house spelling out Greek letters phonetically with English letters.

A UofM fraternity house spelling out Greek letters phonetically with English letters.

A University of Memphis official has expressed his frustration that the on campus fraternities have not caused any significant incidents in the last several years. The Dean of University College John Pertwee spoke with city officials on Tuesday and made it clear that the Greek community at the school was falling well behind the national average in unethical hazing, arrests and newsworthy incidents.

In his speech Pertwee   laid out the current problem as he sees them. ‘In the past 5 years there have been two chapters at UT Knoxville banned from campus. We would really like to have an excuse to suspend at least one of our fraternity chapters here at UofM, but the students here don’t seem interested in degrading themselves in the way we see at other Universities across the country.’

Tom Rollins, UofM Sigma Chi 1983-1987 lamented bout the issue ‘When I was a student, I remember all night ragers before exams. Now my son is telling me he only stays up late to play settlers of catan with the history majors. I’m starting to feel vindicated that I was absent for his birth’

Asked if something like the ‘buttchugging’ incident could ever happen in Memphis, Mr Pertwee took a more serious tone. ‘I would love to be able to condemn a reckless act of excess, to boost our national profile, but the number of craft breweries that have sprung up in the city has hindered this. Even when students are caught drinking illegally they can often be heard describing the hazelnut undertones of their favorite brown ale. It really demoralizes the arresting officers’

Pertwee clarified on the issue of arrests: ‘Let me be clear. We don’t want any of our students to commit a serious offense… but for goodness sake, someone needs to blackout and at least try and release the tiger we keep for the football games.’

Mark Brimble is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @brimmmers

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