Bandaid in Bartlett pool allows overweight teen swimming in shirt a chance to jump off diving board unnoticed.

A band-aid enthusiast uses a net system to extract the latest addition to his collection.

A band-aid enthusiast uses a net system to extract the latest addition to his collection.


Local overweight Bartlett teen Kevin Pendale was able to seize a rare opportunity to climb out of his parents pool and jump off the diving board in broad daylight without being mocked after pointing out a dirty bandaid to his peers. .

"Normally I stay in the corner letting the jets massage my back hoping to blend in so as not to give Chase and Tristan a chance to slap me, dunk me or squeeze my breasts really hardin front of everyone, but then I saw a bandaid with a spot of dried blood floating in the water and I knew I had to make my move.  As everyone was trying to splash the bandaid on each other I went for it, climbing up the ladder and pulling my suit up securely I sprinted for the diving board and jumped off, it was pretty neat"

"Ever since that day Chance ripped Kevin's shirt off at his birthday party, Kevin usually just squats in the corner and doesn't get out until everyone else has gone in to change, I think it was a good experience for Kev" says Kevin's neighbor Doyle Gooden (54), "I watch these kids swimthrough the fence for hours at a time and Kevin is usually very uncomfortable.  Kevin will meander around outside of the pool for up to 15 minutes ignoring calls for him to take his shirt off. Usually Kevin willpretend to trip on a lawn chair and fall in with his shirt on.  These kids never invite Kevin anywhere and show up to swim every afternoon at 2:45,  but Kevin got the best of them.  Way to go Kevin"

Kevin's father Gary Pendale later found the bandaid in the skimmer and said "it looks like the one from Kevin's fat ankle"
 

Hunter Sandlin is  is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @ireviewvans

Bluff news articles are produced by Memphis Today Tonight

Memphian having a good day decides to use turn signal on Union avenue.

union Ave

MEMPHIS-Local resident Alan Dwyer was coming home from work on Union avenue when he decided to do something he’s never done before when changing lanes--use his turn signal.

“I don’t know what came over me,” John reports. “The girl in the elevator smiled at me for the first time today, I got eight hours last night and I found a $5 bill at the gas station, I guess I just figured, what the heck, try something new.”

Though greatly appreciated by the cars that followed John, they were not inspired by his selflessness. “You don’t need to use those things to know how to use a car” laughed lifetime Memphian Pam Carter (46).

“It’s nobody’s business where I’m going,” said Ambulance driver Tim Rhodes (38).

Expect delays from collisions along 240 west and Union Avenue.

Sammy Anzer is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @senor_Suavs

Bluff news articles are produced by Memphis Today Tonight

P&H café passes state health inspection. Customers do not.

The P&H cafe is like Pandora's box... if Pandora kept her cigarettes in the box.

The P&H cafe is like Pandora's box... if Pandora kept her cigarettes in the box.

The P&H café on Madison Avenue has had its business license renewed after passing a random health inspection on Tuesday afternoon. The state inspectors awarded the local bar 4 out of 5 stars citing only minor room for improvement.

Henry Goodell, a local officer for the Tennessee department of health stated ‘We were very impressed with the facilities that the P&H café had to offer, the food was prepared with a high standard of cleanliness and the beer lines are cleaned twice as often as needed. The bathrooms were admittedly bizarre and disconcerting but not in any violation of recognized code.

It was not all good news at the popular dive bar however, as state officials ordered the removal of a number of the bar’s patrons for ‘not meeting the minimum hygiene standards required of Tennessee residents. Goodell stated ‘We were aware of a very unpleasant smell during the inspection, and were very concerned. However, after investigation we located its origin to a young man whom referred to himself as an artist’

‘Bill Truss (26) or ‘Zola XXX’ as he prefers to be called, is an ‘artist’ in the midtown area. When asked to provide evidence of his occupation, he could only provide Memphis Today Tonight with abstract concepts. Speaking about his poor hygiene he said ‘I’m a creative and that impacts all areas of my life, it’s a part of the process’

After detaining Mr Truss, the inspectors examined 34 other customers and found that all but 3 violated ‘basic human decency’. Offending individuals were removed from the premises and taken to a specialist state facility in Knoxville, where they will be rehabilitated and released as accountants. Asked if this would solve the problem Mr Goodell was skeptical. ‘I hate to say it but we are dealing with a symptom of a larger problem. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a new batch of deluded creatives smoking around the pool tables by next week’

Mark Brimble is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @brimmmers

Bluff news articles are produced by Memphis Today Tonight

Arlington Mother Wins 8000th KIX 106 Concert Ticket Contest.

Kix 106 is known for giving away concert tickets at an economically unsustainable rate.

Kix 106 is known for giving away concert tickets at an economically unsustainable rate.

At 9:35 a.m. Wednesday, Linda Richards of Arlington won the much-coveted Terrace level tickets for Kenny Chesney’s upcoming performance at the FedEx Forum. Linda has participated in every KIX 106 contest to date, but she was nevertheless ecstatic to find out she was the 17th caller, for the 8000th time.

Linda was willing to give us the exclusive scoop on how she accomplished this magnificent feat. “The trick is to have seventeen Nokias, that way ain’t nobody getting through ‘cept me,” she confided to us in her guest room, its walls covered in autographed portraits of country music celebrities. “You can even play Snake on ‘em, for those dreary couple’a [sic] hours between contests,” Linda astutely realized around her 5000th victory.

When asked how she manages to dial this many phones at once, Linda pointed to her children and said, “These ten lil’ rug-rats are good for more than just destroying my marriage, I tell ya.”

We reached out to KIX 106 for a statement regarding Linda’s extraordinary success. A spokesman for the station was visibly unhappy with the achievement, “She has been banned from our giveaways for years. Her network of surrogate ticket claimers is so vast, that there’s just no way to catch this woman.”

We simply had to ask Linda how she managed to convince so many people to claim tickets for her. Upon our inquiry, Linda swung open her 2-in-1 storage ottoman, launching a multitude of full ashtrays onto her shag carpet, and withdrew a suitcase. “You ever seen that movie Master of Disguise?” whispered Ms. Richards in a hushed excitement. She asked us to close our eyes, and upon opening them, we were greeted by Groucho Marx. The disguise was a true tour de force, which could only be rivaled by Kenny Chesney's visit here on his Spiritual Experience Tour.

Zac Arnold is a Memphis Comedian. He has a facebook.

Bluff news articles are produced by Memphis Today Tonight